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Thanks to the utter travesty that is sex education in America and the lack of realism in porn or really any media depictions of sex, sexual pleasure can be hard to come by without some serious research and exploration. If you’re interested in taking the steps to learn what you might actually like, it may be time to bring on the sex toys.
We still live in a culture that tends to normalize certain kinds of sex and make that expected for everyone,” said Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, a sex-positive adult toy shop founded in 1977. “Many people don’t understand even now that the clitoris, for people who have one, is the focus of sexual sensation and the path to orgasm. Many people think it’s the vagina, and while plenty of people love vaginal penetration, it’s not the primary way most people with vaginas orgasm.”

In fact, a 2017 study of more than 1,000 people ages 18 to 94 published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that only 18% percent of people with vulvas could orgasm from internal stimulation alone. Aside from targeting the clitoris, there are countless other ways to arouse people no matter what lies below the belt.

“Our whole body is covered in nerve endings, so we can experience pleasure in our whole body, not just genitals,” Brooklyn-based sex therapist Carolanne Marcantonio explained. “Oftentimes we go right for the genitals, but there’s a whole world of pleasure to experience from head to toe.”

The number of nerve endings on your body vary, which is why some areas may feel more sensitive than others, but Marcantonio maintains that the brain is the largest erogenous zone.
How to find, choose, and use sex toys
“People’s erotic interests and curiosity are the biggest guideposts to what they might like,” said Queen, who has a PhD in sexology from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, in discussing how to find props that work for you. “If you’re turned on to the idea of playing with just about anything, it’s a sex toy.”
Marcantonio started her career on the sales floor at sex toy shop Babeland, which requires a monthlong training in the anatomy of pleasure and how to use appropriate language to respect customers’ genders, expressions, and sexualities.

Visiting a sex shop is a great way to find inspiration and consult with knowledgeable staff before making a purchase. If you don’t find exactly what you’re looking for in stores or want to compare different brands and types of products, you can then take your search online.
What materials are best for sex toys
It’s essential for any sex toy to be made of something hypoallergenic and nonporous. Substances that are able to break down or contain irritants should be avoided.

That list may include jelly rubber, which is made from polyvinyl chloride, or other compounds that could contain phthalates, which are potentially carcinogenic chemicals added to plastics to give them flexibility and longevity.